On This Day I Was Fired, And On This Day I Gave A Fuck

from by Static Sex



In a dream
you didn't know me
yet wished me dead
as I held our history
in my head

Dear God,
I hate you
but I need you
do you think it’s funny?
Can you help me?
It’s just this once
it’s always just this once

Must you send her to me
each night in my sleep
painting pillows and snow-sugared windows
with absent hair and heat?

It was some funny fawning spawned
by letters written on receipts
and a hiding in my Oldsmobile
a November night, the backseat
you sure knew how to make
sixteen feel sweet
cracking up to quiet
while my little brother looks
would’ve killed to kiss you then
but my insides shook
I was sick with sweat
I’d never get
enough of your eyes
or your smile
a short while and he effaced the fog
from the glass
the moment passed
and I wanted to die
and I didn’t like myself back then
so how could have I
just a kid
heart half-hid
been the man in your life?

Five years to die
another five showing
signs of our sides
switching, I felt alright
you, bare and beaten by time
your asshole dad
bred demand
to give yourself to bad men
and say "whatever you call me
must be what I am"
I cry every night
picturing their eye-twitching ire
yelled at you
eyes of blue
flowing softly with white
wicked “why?”s
nick and knife
striking blood burning hot
whatever they called you
is exactly what you're not
and I've never hurt a man
but that doesn't mean
I won't tear out their kidneys
in some fucked-up dream

I didn’t tell you
“I want to kill myself"
just to bring you back
to tell me not to

and I’d never tell you
“I want to kill myself"
just to bring you back
to tell me not to
(but someone did).


from Ten Masks, One Unknown, released June 12, 2015



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Static Sex New Jersey

Jersey genre-mashing for sad sacks. Songs about driving, the East Coast, love and loss. But mostly loss.

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